Ok, so it is official. I have 30 days to become a Texan. I am legally required to do these things over the course of the next month, or I will by lynched if I am caught south of the Oklahoma border.
- Purchase & wear a cowboy hat (preferably one that makes my already small head appear miniscule).
- Consistently combine the words "you" and "all" into one word.
- Begin to refer to everything as being "bigger" here. Occasionally throw in "better," for good measure.
- Purchase some kind of firearm (naturally, the "bigger" the better).
- Inform anyone that I know that is not a resident of the Lone Star State that they are not allowed to mess with it. Or me.
- Change my voter registration to Republican.
- Display some kind of Pro-Life statement on my newly acquired Pickup Truck.
- Eat more barbecue.
- Accessorize my new cowboy boots with an oversized belt buckle.
- Eat larger-than-average-sized toast.
- Purchase more shorts.
Well, fortunately for you (and me), I am a proud Midwesterner, and I will not be doing most of these things. Even if this qualifies as "messing with Texas," I am willing to take my chances. I am fine with the oversized toast though. That will be ok.
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